I don't think we'll ever be normal
by aprylynn
Summary: Kensi is injured while on a case and things will have to change in order for her to stay on the team. Written for 2k16 NCISLA Fic Exchange on Tumblr for raccoonsmate4life. I own none of these characters or anything on this show. Otherwise I might have speculated the start of the season correctly.


When the doctor was in the room, Deeks just looked down at his hands. He knew he should probably be listening, but he couldn't focus right now. A cycle of panic and fear and guilt and self hatred ran through his mind. How could you let this happen? It's your job to keep her safe. She depends on you to watch her back. What if something worse had happened? How could you live with yourself?

"Deeks?"

He snapped out of his horrible daydream when he heard Kensi say his name. He looked up at her and the doctor (whose name he can't remember), looking very sheepish. "Oh... sorry."

"You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. You're the one who's hurt. Don't worry about me."

Kensi gave him her best I don't really believe you but I'll let it go for now look and then turned back to the doctor. "So when do you think I'll be back to work?"

"That's tough to say, Miss Blye. You took quite a fall. Thankfully, nothing vital was hurt, but your ankle is in pretty bad shape. We'll have to do surgery to repair it and the recovery process could take several months."

Kensi looked like she was told the world's supply of chocolate had disappeared forever. "So I can't go to work for several months?"

"Unfortunately, you'll have to be off your feet for a while. And even after that, you will have to take it easy during rehab and physical therapy."

Kensi sighed. "Okay, thank you, doctor."

She gave Kensi a smile and a nod before leaving the room.

It was silent for awhile. Kensi knew Deeks wasn't fine, but she wanted him to speak up first and say what was on his mind. But after being partners for as long as they have, she knew that probably wasn't going to happen. She was tired of the awkward silence so she said something first. "It's too bad they're gonna have to amputate my whole foot."

"Yeah..." Deeks replied. He had gone back to looking at his hands as if they were the most interesting things in the world. "Too bad."

"Wow, you're really not listening to me."

"Huh?" He looked up again and ran his hands over his face. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"About how... you wouldn't have gotten hurt if I had been there for you."

"Deeks, please don't do this."

"Don't do what? Don't think about the fact that I wasn't there for you when I should have been and that something even worse could have..."

"You need to stop, okay?" Kensi held out her hands. "Come here."

He got up out of his chair and sat on her bed. She took his hands in hers and squeezed. "I know you were doing everything you possibly could do. You can't be in two places at once. We both know this is the risk of doing what we do."

Deeks took a deep breath. They had been on a container ship at the Port of Los Angeles looking for stolen weapons. They found two suspects who tried to flee as soon as they heard Federal Agents yelled at them. Deeks ran one down as Kensi went after the other. He was able to catch and apprehend him, cuffing him with zip ties before looking for Kensi. But he was too late. He made it in time to see that they both had climbed to the top of a shipping container and the other suspect had managed to push her off. He saw the whole thing as if it were in slow motion and his feet had been glued in place. There was nothing he could do except watch her hit the deck. All the worst possible scenarios played through his mind at a million miles per hour as he ran to her, digging his phone out of his pocket to call for help. Even now that he knew she was going to be fine, he couldn't get the image of her falling out of his mind.

He finally looked up and met her gaze. He cleared his throat before speaking. "Kensi... I was so scared."

She reached over and ran her fingers through his hair, drawing him closer so she could place a lingering kiss on his forehead. "I know." She whispered against his skin. "I know this is hard for you. Hell, I'd be feeling this same way if I were in your place."

"I love my job and I love being partnered with you. I've always known and understood the risks, even before we were together. But it doesn't make it any easier when this shit happens."

"Deeks... neither of us can promise that nothing bad will happen. I know I've made you promise to never get yourself killed and I know that's a promise you really can't keep, but we'll do everything we can to make sure we make it home at the end of each day."

Deeks lifted her left hand and placed a gentle kiss on her third finger. "I plan on spending the rest of my life with you."

"Same here." She smiled at him. "Well, it seems like you won't have to worry about me for a while since I'm out of commission. This is really gonna suck."

"You'll get through it. You're badass Kensi Marie Blye and you won't let this slow you down for long."

"I hope so. Although..." She smiled right before kissing him. "I think it'll be fun making you nurse me back to health."

For the first time since they arrived at the hospital, Deeks's old familiar mischievous smirk made an appearance. "Nurse Marty, at your service."

* * *

"It seems like I'm stealing your partner again." Nell said with a nervous laugh.

"I will gladly let you have him. Sometimes a break from him is good for my sanity."

"I heard that." Deeks shouted from across the bullpen.

"You were supposed to." Kensi yelled back.

"Well, I hope that you're okay with this. I mean, you don't really have a choice because it was Hetty's call, but I just hope things are good between us."

Kensi placed her hand on Nell's arm. "You have nothing to worry about. You are great at what you do and I'm happy that you're getting more experience in the field and I know that Deeks will teach you a lot."

Nell smiled, looking more relieved. "Good. I know I'm being silly, but I can't help feeling bad since he's your partner."

"You're right, you are being silly. It's all going to be good, Nell. Plus, I'm stealing your partner so that makes us even."

"That's true. Well, have fun with Eric. And just a warning, no snacks allowed in ops."

"So just don't get caught then?"

Nell laughed. "Exactly."

It was strange watching Nell and Deeks leave together. She really was okay with it and she was determined to make the best of her time in ops while she was recovering, but it didn't make her any less determined to get back in the field.

Hetty had come up with the partner swap as a way for Kensi to still be on the team until her doctor cleared her for field work. Nell would team up with Deeks while she stayed in ops with Eric. Kensi had previous experience working in ops, analyzing data and sifting through information, but it had been a long time since she was doing that on a regular basis. A couple years ago, she had spent one day there after getting back from her Afghanistan mission, but that day had been a waste of everyone's time. Kensi was beyond ready to put that assignment behind her and get back to her normal life. To her, there seemed to be no purpose to Hetty's decision that day and she was relieved to learn that she would be back with Deeks the next day.

This time around she understood that there was no other choice. It was either get back up to speed and relearn a job she had done before, or spend every day of her recovery at home, binge watching everything Netflix had to offer.

It was awkward at first. A lot had changed in the past several years and for the first few days she felt like she was starting from the beginning. Eric was patient, but she could tell he was frustrated with having to do his job along with answering her constant questions. But before too long, Kensi felt like she was getting the hang of this again. She could easily look up files that were needed and search for connections in the evidence. She answered calls from the agents in the field and supplied them with much needed intel. She needed to ask Eric fewer and fewer questions. She even got to the point where if Eric had to leave for an hour or two, she was comfortable being there by herself.

Kensi hadn't spent much time with Eric outside of work, so even though they had known each other a long time, there wasn't a lot she knew about him as a person. But she was finding that they had more in common than she thought. Their shared love of junk food meant they both got creative with smuggling snacks into ops. She hugged him the day he brought her Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Eric showed her how to play Call of Duty on the big screen when Hetty was not around. They made plans to go to Medieval Times together, since everyone else they knew didn't appreciate how awesome it was. He would loan her some of his comic books and then he'd want to debate whether Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, or Sam Wilson was a better Captain America. Kensi threw him for a loop when she said she liked Danielle Cage best of all.

During down times, Deeks and Nell would take selfies and send them to Kensi and Eric in ops. They started sending them back and soon it became a competition for who could send the goofiest picture. Deeks and Nell laughed until they couldn't breathe when they got a picture of their partners making silly faces meanwhile not knowing that Hetty was in the background looking stern and judgmental.

"It's weird how I can ask you 'how was your day?' and it's a genuine question that I don't already know the answer to," Deeks said while they were eating dinner at home.

"Yeah, that's different for us. That's sort of nice."

"It is. You know, Nell is great and everything, but..." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I miss my partner."

Kensi smiled. "I do too."

* * *

"There's no one here." Nell informed Eric over comms.

"Take a look around. See if there's any sign of him ever being there."

"Okay, we'll let you know if we find anything."

Eric turned to Kensi. "If they don't find anything here, then we're back the square one."

Kensi nodded. They knew their suspect had been in this area frequently because he had shown up on several traffic cameras from the last couple weeks. The warehouse seemed like the most obvious place to hide so Nell and Deeks went to check it out. Kensi skimmed through her files on her tablet, looking for any clues on where they might try next if this turned up nothing.

"Eric, Kensi!" There was tension in Deeks's voice that Kensi picked up on right away

"What is it?"

"We need back up! We found him and he has some friends."

Kensi was immediately on the phone with Sam and Callen.

"We'll be there in a few minutes." Sam said over the squealing tires of his Challenger.

"Hurry, you guys. They're outnumbered and I don't know how long they can hold them off."

"On it."

Eric had called LAPD for backup as well. Nell and Deeks were holding their own, but they were running out of places for cover and ammo as well.

Time seemed to stop for Kensi. This was the first time since being assigned to ops that Deeks had been in real danger and all she could do was listen as more shots were fired. She was paralyzed with panic, overwhelmed with helplessness. She had been the one with Deeks taking cover and waiting for back up countless times. Those were nerve-racking times, but at least she had some control of the situation. She could be the one offering cover to Deeks. But this? Being miles away, able to listen but not able to directly help... this was a million times worse.

"We're here." Callen chimed in over comms. "We're going in now."

The next few minutes were chaos. Sam yelled Federal Agents! and there were more shots fired and more voices shouting... and then it was quiet. Kensi thought her heart had stopped.

"Guys?" Eric spoke up. "What's your status?"

"Send an ambulance, Eric." Callen answered. "Two of these guys are dead. One is still stable at the moment."

"What about Deeks? And Nell?" Kensi's voice cracked slightly.

"Don't worry, Kensalina." Deeks answered her with a casual tone, as if he had just been out for coffee and ran into a little traffic. She was both annoyed and relieved beyond belief. "They didn't have a chance against me and Velma."

"So everyone's okay?" Eric asked.

"We're all good," Nell chimed in.

"Good." Eric relaxed on hearing her voice. "You'll have some questioning to do once they've taken him to the hospital."

"On it."

Kensi took a couple deep breaths, still trying to calm herself. She looked to her left and realized at some point during the chaos they were listening to, she had reached over and grabbed Eric's hand. She laughed nervously, letting go of him. "Oops, sorry about that."

"No, it's okay. I get it."

"Is it always this terrifying on your end? Having to listen to us be in danger, knowing there's not much you can do?"

"Yeah, it's pretty awful, but you get used to it and learn to push aside the fear and focus, so you can offer any support you can."

"I guess I wasn't prepared for how this would feel. Knowing my partner was in danger and not being there to watch his back."

"Yeah..." Eric nodded. "That's definitely the worst. This is the first time I've had to listen to Nell be in danger." He seemed more rattled than Kensi had ever remembered seeing him.

She smiled at Eric. "I think it's time for some chocolate. To celebrate our partners being safe."

Eric laughed. "You always think of a good excuse for chocolate."

* * *

"You know what?"

"What?" Deeks set a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and then sat down next to Kensi on their couch.

"I was really scared today."

"About what?"

"You and Nell being outnumbered."

"That? That was nothing. You and I have been in way worse."

"I know." Kensi reached out and grabbed his hand. "But this was different."

"How?"

"Because I wasn't with you. Because all I could do was listen. There were so many gunshots and I couldn't see what was happening and I was just there in ops, not able to help you at all."

He shifted closer to her, turning her towards him and helping her drape her legs over his. He smiled as he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "But you did help us. Without you and Eric, backup would have never arrived."

"Yeah, I know." She reached over and placed her palm right over his heart. "I meant I wasn't there, with you. I hated not being able watch your back."

"We all know how much you love to watch my back. Ow!" He winced dramatically when she pinched his side. "Hey, I'm not wrong."

She scrunched her nose at him. "You know what I mean."

"I do. I know it must be hard for you to be stuck at ops."

"In some ways, it is. I miss my partner." She smiled as she ran her fingers along his jaw. "I miss the excitement. But this experience has been good. Eric has been great and it's given me a whole new confidence that maybe... you know... one day I might consider a career change and be able to do something different."

"Really?" He looked adorably confused.

"Yeah, maybe one day I might want a slower pace of life. I mean, I was hurt and I'll recover, but I know that this job will get harder the older I get and bouncing back from stuff like this won't be as easy."

"You thinking about hanging up your badge?"

"Not right now." She answered. "But some day it'd be nice for both of us, you know? If we can both put the dangerous jobs behind us and have normal lives."

"I don't think we'll ever be normal."

"No, probably not. But I'd still like to do things that normal people do." She interlaced her fingers with his. "Like get married."

He smiled. "Like going to wineries and getting day drunk."

"Like growing our own tomatoes. Oh, and oregano!"

"And since you are a disaster in the kitchen, I'll be cooking with them," he teased.

"We'll take couples pottery classes."

"Go to the beach and watch the sunrise. Go back at the end of the day and watch it set."

"Um... maybe, we can even talk about starting a family? Some day?" She was nervous bringing it up. They hadn't talked about the subject of kids in months. They both knew how the other felt and despite their differences, it didn't stop them from knowing they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.

His face was unreadable at first, which made her even more nervous. But then the corners of his mouth turned up slightly and she felt like a weight had been lifted. "Well... since we're talking about this nice normal quiet existence we might have one day... then maybe kids might be a part of that as well. Maybe."

Kensi smiled as she blinked back tears. She knew that wasn't a definite confirmation, but the fact that he was considering it and that they were talking about their future together made her overjoyed. "Well, like you said. We'll never be truly normal."

He laughed. "No, no we won't. But we'll be us. And that's all I'll ever want."

"Me too."


End file.
